When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
