she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
