So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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