I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
