i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
