I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
