i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
