it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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