oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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