Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
