do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
