Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
