I wish I could punch you in the face.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
