All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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