you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
