Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
