I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i dont even know how to be here
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
