Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
