we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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