I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
my liver is dry heaving
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
