I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
