Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
