When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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