remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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