____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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