If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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