allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
