Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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