Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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