I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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