blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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