He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
