i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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