i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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