ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
