It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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