You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
