Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
