all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
