you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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