I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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