I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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