Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
