Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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