im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
