So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
operation harelip BJ is a go
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We had to coat check the pizza.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
