The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
