I cannot find my penis.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
