yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
