well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
