Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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