just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
