once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
