Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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