oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
