Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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