i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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