i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
