Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
