I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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