Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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