i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
