You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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