so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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