Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
