I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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