and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
