when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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