Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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