I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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