i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
