We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
