porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
