Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The uberlube is also flammable
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
