There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
