You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize