My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
