we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
