Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
