sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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