Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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