You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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