dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
