Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We're facebook friends in real life
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
