It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
