so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
