either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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