Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
