so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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