I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
