We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
